When we are unhappy, we need to look within our lives to that which helps to create our unhappiness. Unhappiness is often caused by our constantly staying in the place of wanting and never reaching the place of having.
We often blame the other, or outside forces, for causing us unhappiness, but our unhappiness is not caused by others. Our unhappiness is caused by our wanting the other person or circumstances to be who or what we want.
We are unhappy because we do not have a material object we want, or the money to do something we want, or the person in our life we want to be there, or….We get caught in feelings of lack, which leads us deeper into the blaming game, which leads us right back to the other—the spouse, the boss, the employer, the government, etc. If they saw my worth and paid me better; if they didn’t take so much away from me; if, if, if . . . When we are iffing, it’s because we forget the other is never our source. Not for love, not for money, not for our happiness. Spirit/God/Universe/Energy is our source; we are the receiver.
We also get caught in wanting feeling we are not where we want to be in our lives. We forget to be right where we are, in the place of we have. Epicurus, the ancient Greek philosopher, said, “Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you have now was once among the things you only hoped for.”
Whenever I get down because I’m not moving forward in my life, I gently, but firmly bring myself back to the present moment and take an action toward the direction in which I want to move. We so often forget patience is needed for achievement.
We so often spoil what we are experiencing by desiring what we have not yet achieved. It’s often necessary to remind ourselves that what we have now was once among the things we only hoped for.
Whether we are caught in the wanting because of what we perceive we are missing or caught in the wanting because we are not moving on fast forward, the following process will help.
To move from wanting to having requires two things: 1.) to begin; and 2.) consistency. When we take one step toward that which we want, we take ourselves out of wanting and put ourselves into having. Sound paradoxical? How do we stay out of the want, and at the same time, step toward it? We take one step at a time.
Let’s use the example of being caught in the wanting of wanting someone to be different than they are. Our first step may be to examine what it is about the other we want to change. If we are consistent, once we get past the kvetching, we will eventually realize what is missing in our life. We then can provide that for ourselves instead of frustrating the other—and ourselves—by trying to make the other change.
When something is missing in our outer life, it shows us that something needs attention in our inner life. It is not about what is missing in the other; it is about what is missing within our self.
The same principle works if we want an object. Let’s say we want a new television set that costs $500. The first step is to put aside $5.00. It may seem to take forever, but if we consistently put aside $5.00 on a regular basis, eventually we will have the television. If we fall into the unhappiness of wanting, all we have to do is count all the five dollar bills we’ve put aside to move into the happiness of having.
The same is true of feeling any kind of lack in our lives, including the sense of not moving forward. Now, let’s make this really tough. Let’s say we don’t know what we want. We just know we want something. How do we figure this out? What do we do? Where do we begin? How do we know where to go? What steps to take?
Start with what you do know. Go to the edge of what you know. This is the beginning. For example, let’s say you’re trying to figure out what you should be doing with your life. You know you want to help people. Write that down. You also know that you are good at helping friends work through their problems, that you are a good listener or financial advisor. Or you want to help people physically and you are strong and know how to use a chain saw. Write that down.
Be consistent. Every day take a few minutes to work with yourself. Before long, you will have a list of what you are good at mixed with what you hope to accomplish. You’ll move from the general to the specific. You’ll move from the wanting to the having. You’ll move from I want to help people to I have the ability to help people, and here’s how I can do that.
The next step is finding those ways to put your having into practice, which begins at the beginning with asking yourself, “Where could I best use this talent?” Then open to receiving interesting ways Spirit will guide you to those who need your help…or guide them to you.
And don’t forget that gratitude, gratitude to yourself for asking the questions and receiving the answers. And to Spirit for providing the answers that take you from wanting to having.