Be Happy, Have a Temper Tantrum

Posted on November 20, 2024 by Diana Rankin

Even if you consider yourself fully mature—and few of us do if we’re past our twenties—your inner child likes treats and needs to play. The lack of feeding and considering your inner child can keep you from the happiness you desire.

It takes neither a great deal of money nor time to feed your inner child. All it takes is creativity and being in touch with yourself. . . and having a temper tantrum now and then.       A what? A temper tantrum.

I’m impatient. I want what I want when I want it, and usually that’s now. I admit to not being fully mature. When I want something, I begin with a clear intent and a prayer of gratitude for that which I want manifesting in my life. Contrary to what I just said, I can be patient—for a little while. If what I want doesn’t materialize right now, I’m willing to look at what I’m doing to block it’s admission into my life. Okay, that’s all cleared. Now it can come. Unhun. Now!

Well, you and I both know, it just may not come when I say it should just because I say so, even if I think I’ve cleared the blocks. So, I return to patience, but eventually as time goes by and what I want still does not materialize, I might reach a point where I just snap and have a temper tantrum. Fortunately, I live in a woods at the end of a nine-hundred foot lane. The only ones who see or hear me are my pets and the deer, squirrels, raccoons, chipmunks, and other assorted wildlife and winged ones. I’m sure they get a great laugh at watching me puff up my torso and arms akimbo stomp a foot or two while I clomp around in the meadow letting Spirit know that I haven’t yet received what I asked for. And I’ve asked in such a nice way. So American of me. So spoiled rotten, high-maintenance of me. Still, it works. 

This is not a big temper tantrum with letting go of a primal scream. This is just a little temper tantrum—a little foot stomping or a bit of arguing with Spirit. After a rousing argument of “Do it my way and do it now!” you will find yourself laughing when you get that the joke’s on you. The person you’re really arguing with is yourself, so skip this phase once you have that figured out and go right into the next phase—treating yourself, your inner child—the real fun of this process.

This part you have to figure out for yourself. How can you treat yourself? There are a few parameters you want to follow. Your treats should be within your budget and should not in any way harm you or anyone else. For example, treats can be food, but not heavy fatting foods if you are trying to lose weight and the ice cream cone will make you feel guilty later, or should you buy something or take a trip you can’t afford. These are self-destructive acts; they are not treats. Self-destructive acts do not feed the inner child.

Your inner child is satisfied with pretending something is real. Remember there is a child within the adult. For example, if you like to buy things, unhappiness comes from not being able to buy something because you think you can’t afford it. Instead of buying it and feeling guilty and producing more unhappiness, go on a pretend shopping spree.

Actually, spend time in very expensive stores full of all the goodies you wish you could buy. Be very clear with yourself that you could buy anything in this store that you want, but you are choosing to not buy anything, because you haven’t found anything you want. You’ve found things you like, but nothing you really want to spend your money on . . . even though you could. The trick here is the clarity with yourself that you could buy IT if you wanted, but you don’t really want to. This clarity satisfied your adult while the act of shopping satisfied the inner child. 

Be creative with yourself. Find those things that treat your inner child and watch the inner smiles begin. Pretty soon you’ll have no need for a temper tantrum.

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Unsticking the Stuck

Posted on November 14, 2024 by Diana Rankin

It takes energy to be unhappy. Unhappiness drains you. Imagine you are walking around every day carrying a fifty-pound bag on your back. This fifty-pound bag is filled with I’m-not-good-enoughs; They-are-not-goodenough-for-mes; Life-is-unfairs; I-could-do-that-buts; and a thousand other excuses of what life—or the other—has done to you to make you unhappy. How often have you said, “I will be happy if he . . . she. . .  they, it. . .?” Or “I could be happy if only . . .”

Mother Teresa said, “It is not how much you do, but how much love you put into the doing that matters.” So, if you insist on being unhappy at least put a lot of love into it. Of course, if you put a lot of love into it, you can’t possible stay in unhappiness. Love and unhappiness just don’t mix. 

But sometimes you just can’t muster up enough love and trying to be happy just isn’t working. You are just plain stuck. When this happens, there are two things you need to know.

First you need to know how to get unstuck, which is what this process is all about. And secondly, you need to realize that every step you take toward happiness is one more step away from unhappiness. Think about this: Happiness is not a state that we reach and stay put the first time out. Instead, it’s a moving in and out, which means every time we move away from happiness, we need to return. And every time we return, it gets easier to do so.

We may feel that for every step we take toward happiness, we take two steps backward into unhappiness. When we do, we need to then take a step–or two—forward again into happiness. Sooner or later, you’ll notice that when you leave happiness, you catch yourself quicker than the last time, and you are able to move back into happiness both sooner and easier. You’ll move from spending years or months in unhappiness to weeks or days, and eventually only hours or quick minutes. Eventually those old grooves in your mind will be deeper on the happiness side than on the unhappiness side, which means eventually you’ll spend more time happy than unhappy. 

This is a good day to be happy, but you may be feeling full of frustration, tired, or just feel happiness is too much work because life just isn’t going the way you want it to. You feel stuck. You need to scream, and that’s exactly what we’re going to do. This isn’t any ordinary scream. This is a two-year-old child’s primal scream.

Put yourself in a place where you will not disturb others, or warn them of your plan so you neither scare them nor cause them to call 9-1-1 because they think you are in need of help. And then scream.

Begin with a scream that comes up from your toes, rushes through your whole body and returns back down through your toes to Mother Earth. This is a powerful, physical process. Make sure you monitor yourself while you are screaming. If you feel your blood pressure rising or your heart beating too fast, STOP! This is about releasing old tension, not about hurting yourself. 

After screaming, thank Mother Earth for accepting and cleansing your tension. And then dance, just move about. Sing or put on music and dance to its beat. Primal music. Upbeat music. Dance. Become very childlike in your dance. Silly. Giggly. Feel the relaxation in your body. Feel the lightness. Let the music pour over and into you and let the giggles come all the way up from your toes to the very top of your head. Put giggles into every fiber of your being and every cell of your body. And then relax and go about your day’s business. 

As you go through your day, become aware of every burden you recapture, and STOP YOURSELF from taking back any of the burdens you used to carry around. Smile and toss aside the She-did-this-to-mes or the What-a-jerk-he-iss or the She’s-in-the-wrongs. Replace all those burdens you used to carry around with the much lighter thoughts of Life feels-goods and the I’m-so-happy-to-be-mes, because I am happy, and I am helping

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Election 2024

Posted on November 6, 2024 by Diana Rankin

This is an article I wrote about the 2016 election. I change two words: 2016 to 2024 and President Obama to President Biden. The article still seems relevant.

Today is a day to catch our breath and reflect. For some of us it’s a day to mourn, for others it’s a day to celebrate. For all of us it’s a day to stay in the grace of Love. The U.S. is a democracy that can no longer stand the dividedness this election has brought. The vote has been counted and we must respect the chosen President-elect of the majority of the people.

This is not a time to lash out in anger. There has been enough of that. This is a time to reach out to our neighbors and offer comfort where there is fear, light where there is darkness, a hand of help where there is confusion.

This is not a time to blame nor is it a time to gloat. It is a time to speak with grace, calmness, and love when the other speaks words of anger and hate. It is not a time to arm ourselves in fear of our neighbor. It is a time to help still the fears of the gun holder, to remind the bully he too is loved but his words are unacceptable, to speak against the fear monger and remind her she too is deserving of respect but her actions are harmful and will not be tolerated.

It is the time to hold our heads high and stay in the energy of Love, for that indeed is the only thing that will heal the divide and heal our world. Now is the time to walk our talk of loving kindness and show all people compassion and understanding, even for those who cannot show it to themselves or to others.

Love is an action verb; it is not passive. Take action, but first ask yourself if this action is being taken in love or fear. Take action, speak, write, work to change the world, get involved and do so through love, not fear or anger, but LOVE.

We create the energetic pathway for others to find and follow by how we live our lives. Let’s make the path of Love bigger so all can find it more easily.

It may not seem so at the moment, and the darkness will increase before the dawn but remember this: the sun will come up.

The question has been put to me: what do we do now? We get up and feed our children and take care of our pets. We go to work and come home and make dinner and wash dishes and rake leaves. We live our lives. We hug each other, cry on each other’s shoulders, stomp our feet and shout, and then we return to the daily sanctity of our day-to-day lives.

Before any great change, all that is unlike the new that is to come will surface. The cleansing must take place and each one of us have signed up for this time in history. We must hold hands and hearts and stay in the Divine Light of Love. Let us help President Biden and President-Elect Trump make a smooth transition and hold the new President and Congress in prayer for peace and the caring and treatment of all people — all people — equally.

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Mining the Body’s Wisdom

Posted on November 6, 2024 by Diana Rankin

Happiness eludes us when we hold old fears and other negative emotions in our bodies. Releasing negative emotions provides us with greater wellbeing, health, and energy—and it allows us to be happy. 

Our bodies are wonderful monitors for telling us what is going on in our lives. Have you known anyone who died of a broken heart? I do. My best friend never got past her husband leaving her for another woman. Her heart was broken. She died of a heart attack in her sleep. I’ve seen people who are in suffocating situations develop breathing problems, and people who were so wound up in fear they were unable to move forward, which showed up in leg and knee problems. One of my beloved cats had a stroke and loss her eyesight. It was a friend who enlightened me when she said that my cat had given up her sight so that I might see.

Certainly not every illness, not every cut or scrap, not everything that happens to us is to “teach” us something about ourselves, and certainly we do not consciously draw illness or physical pain to us. And certainly the spirit-mind-body connection is much more complex than I’ve made it seem. That said, the first question we may want to ask ourselves when an illness strikes or we injury our bodies in an accident is: “What is my body telling me?” Once we figure that out, we are able to go deeper and mine tremendous gifts from our inner world, one of them being happiness.

The following process requires physical movement. If you are unable to walk, the process is somewhat effective as a visualization. The time it takes will vary, usually twenty to sixty minutes. 

Begin to walk. If possible, walk on the earth rather than concrete, and walk in a quiet, safe place. As you walk, bless and thank each part of your body. Bless your toes, toenails, and feet for your perfect health and for carrying you through the day. Bless your calves and shins, bless your knees and thighs, and thank them for supporting you. Continue to work up your body, and then move inside your body. Bless your brain, thanking it for functioning perfectly. Bless your heart and lungs for perfect breathing and the perfect beat of life. Bless your digestive system, the esophagus, the stomach, gall bladder, liver, large and small intestine.  Bless all organs, the kidneys, pancreas, female or male organs. Bless your blood and the arteries, veins, and capillaries. Continue throughout your body, blessing your bones, joints, skin, muscles, and so one. End with blessing and thanking every cell of your body for perfect health and wellness, and bless your mind for accepting your perfection.

As you bless and thank your body, feel yourself relaxing and letting go of stress. Thank Mother Earth for taking this stress and cleansing your body. Then begin to chant, “Love/God/Spirit/Universe/Creator/Energy (choose the Divine Source in which you believe) is in every cell of my body, Divine Source is in every cell of my body, Divine Source is in every cell of my body. Divine Source is in every cell of my body healing me and filling every cell with perfection and energy.” 

Continue chanting and walking. As you do, you will begin to experience emotional and physical changes. You may resist, feel like running home to safety. You may feel sick, want to cry, feel fearful. Keep walking and keep chanting. It doesn’t matter if you walk in a circle, up and down a country land, in a city park, a suburban neighborhood, or in your own back yard. Just keep walking and chanting, and soon you will have a breakthrough.

The breakthrough will come as a thought about someone or about a situation. It may be a recent memory or a childhood memory. As you think of this person/situation, bless him/her/it and ask your Divine Source to replace any resentment, anger, or other negative emotion with love. Ask to have your heart opened to this person or situation. This does not mean you need to allow the person into your life, or that you allow them to cross any healthy boundaries you have set up. It does not mean you accept the situation or want to stay in it. It does mean you are letting go of your human emotions to allow yourself to experience unconditional divine love—for yourself and for the other. 

As you release negative emotions you were holding toward this person or situation and open to Divine Love, you will be flooded with emotion. You may feel a warmth in the heart center. You will experience the beauty around you on a cellular level as though you feel in your body the beauty you see, and the beauty may feel almost overwhelming. You will experience bring-to-your-knees gratitude for your Divine Source, for the other person or for the situation that brought you to this place, for the world around you, and for yourself and your life. You will be overwhelmed with gratitude that you are able to walk and to see and to release and to experience this moment.  You will be happiness and experience joy as a deep contentment that fills your every cell.

Repeat the blessing of your body daily. Repeat the releasing of negative emotions as needed but allow at least a few days between the releasing to allow the full process to take place.

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Life’s Small Moments

Posted on October 30, 2024 by Diana Rankin

You are the only you in this whole world. You are unique. No one else is like you and no one else can be who you are or do exactly what you can do for this world. You have come into this world for a purpose that only you can accomplish. That’s how very special you are. 

Perhaps you have come to this world to be a parent of a child or to parent a million children. Perhaps you have come to this world to heal yourself and another being or a million beings. Perhaps you have come into this world to discover a new technology or to discover a new use for technology; perhaps you have come to bring delicious food to others; or to grow beautiful flowers; to paint or to photograph beauty; to write a poem; to build a structure; or to add laughter or thought to the world. Perhaps you have come to this world to write a book that helps another, to speak words that help another, or to help heal the body of another. Whatever has brought you to this world, your life in this moment in time is perfect just as it is, and so are you, even if it doesn’t feel so in this moment.

So many of us spend our lives looking for that purpose—that mission that brought us to this world—that we miss what is right in front of us—our life. Your mission becomes clear as you live your life; it becomes clear in the passion that comes as you breathe in the breath of your every moment. Your mission in this life is in the everyday movement and moments of your life. What is your greatest desire? Is it to love yourself? To help others? To express yourself? To heal others? To teach? To work with animals? To have great sums of money? To have fun? What gives you pleasure and evokes emotion within you? 

This is a new day of your journey to create your own happiness. This day practice living each moment. It is the day you open yourself to the greater awareness of your life and the truth of who you are.

As you go through the day, stop yourself at different intervals (at least once a day and reach for three times each day) and ask these questions: What am I experiencing this moment? How does this feel? What is behind this emotion? Is this how I want to feel? What would I change about this moment? What is beautiful about the moment? 

This idea is to get you in touch with yourself and to help you experience the small moments of your life. After a while, you will begin to see patterns, and as you see the patterns in your life, three things will happen: (1) You will become aware of how very precious you are and how very precious your life is; (2) You will begin to understand why you are here in this Earth plane; and (3) As you begin to see how your life is unfolding and how vital you are to the life you are living, happiness happens, and you are able to make those changes that increase happiness in your life. 

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Purposeful Daydreaming & 21 Pleasures

Posted on October 24, 2024 by Diana Rankin

Happiness doesn’t just happen. You need to have the intention that you want to be happy, and then nourish that intention with repetition and emotion. As you work toward happiness it becomes a byproduct of living and enjoying your life.

But how do you even start to enjoy your life if you are unhappy? You need to consciously create pleasure. You need something in your life every day that gives you pleasure, and you need something in your life to look forward to. When you are addicted to unhappiness, it is difficult to find things that give you pleasure, and it’s difficult to plan for something you might look forward to. So, here’s where the imagination and a little planning comes into play.

Carve out a few minutes each day to engage in purposefully daydreaming. Studies show that time spent in purposeful daydreaming actually changes the body’s reaction to stress levels and produces brain chemistry that helps us relax and feel happier.

Sometimes planning a trip or creating a new friendship may seem bigger than you can take on, so begin with the smallest of things that bring you pleasure and work up to the bigger ones. And when you do begin to plan the bigger pleasures, if they still seem too big, tell yourself you are only planning them at this time, that you really don’t have to find days or weeks to get away on a vacation, just ten minutes to dream about sitting on the beach or hiking in the mountains.

When something in the day overwhelms you, think about that “planned vacation” or the new friendship you just created, or think about the daily pleasure you have planned for yourself—a hot bath, a walk in nature, time spent watching your pet play, stopping and feeling the sun on your face, or a million other things that make you feel good.

Here are 21 of my favorite things that bring me pleasure, both in my imagination and in manifestation. Some are activities I used to do but are no longer available to me. Still, I can dream…

Make any that feel right to you your own through your imagination or by actually engaging yourself in the activity.

• Watching clouds

• Imagining myself dancing beautifully in a large gym that I have all to myself

• Skimming over ocean waves in a sailboat

• Listening to music, closing my eyes, and watching the colors of the music flow

• Walking through the woods

• Good, stimulating conversation with a friend or friends

• Working in the garden, and then sitting back and seeing the beauty of the flowers

• The colors in soap bubbles

• Reading a good book

• Feeling the soft fur of one of my cats on my skin

• Walking with my dog and seeing the pleasure of my company in her eyes

• Writing a note to a friend just because

• Feeling the sun on my face

• Being held by someone who loves me

• Imagining winning a lot of money and what I would do with it, how many people I could help, including me

• Imagining someone massaging my shoulders or feet, or better yet actually getting a massage

• Walking barefoot in plush grass

• Dancing in a warm rain

• Standing beneath a night sky full of stars late at night

• Riding my motorcycle or bicycle and feeling the wind flow through my hair

• Holding a purring kitten to my heart

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Happiness Self-Notes

Posted on October 16, 2024 by Diana Rankin

One of my favorite writers and author of one of my favorite books, Anna Cara, the late John O’Donohue, said, “The most powerful way to change your life is to change your mind.”

You’ve probably already heard me say this, but it’s so important to happiness that I’m going to say it again: When we change one small corner of our world, our entire world shifts. As we change one thought, we change the wiring in our brains to the new thought. Every time, e-v-e-r-y t-i-m-e we exchange a non-happiness thought for a happiness thought, we are creating a space in our lives for happiness to flow.

Your brain is full of grooves, patterns you have worn into your brain with your thoughts. What you want to now do is create new grooves for your happy thoughts to follow. You have a thought. Automatically the thought follows the pattern of the old grooves, which produces more of the same thoughts, and deepens the grooves. By changing your thoughts, you change the grooves you’ve worn into your brain into new life-affirming happy thoughts.

No one else can do this for you. You are the only one responsible for your thoughts. So how do you change them? One thought at a time.

Now that sounds pretty farfetched. We have thousands of thoughts flitting through our minds all the time. Thoughts themselves may be random; we connect them together and give emotional meaning to them. It is the emotional meaning that causes us happiness or unhappiness.

 The good news is you do not have to be aware of every thought. The work is in being aware of the emotion that is ignited by thought. This awareness will allow you to rethink the thought and in doing so repattern and regroove your mind.

Get yourself a pad of sticky notes and a favorite pen. On each piece of paper, write a happiness affirmation or positive saying. Fill as many pieces of paper as you can. Try to write at least ten, and then post these reminders everywhere. Post one note on your bathroom mirror, another in your pants pocket, and another in your purse. Post them everywhere, on your car steering wheel, on your pillow, on the inside of the toilet seat, inside the kitchen cabinet, on the bottle of juice inside the refrigerator, on your desk, on your computer, and so on.

Daily add to your happiness reminders and change them around. The idea is to keep reminding yourself of ideas that make you smile and feel good. Changing the notes keeps them fresh, so you don’t ignore them once they become part of the landscape.

Read the notes as often as you can, and always read one when you become aware you are experiencing a non-happy emotion and try to feel—even if only for a split second— the emotion the note produces. That split second is the shift in one corner of your world that will change your whole world into a happier world for you. And as you change your world, you change the world for everyone.

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Will the White Bird Turn Red?

Posted on October 10, 2024 by Diana Rankin

I went to see the movie White Bird, a movie that takes place during the German occupation of France during World War II. It’s a movie everyone should see before they vote.

I think about that last statement, “It’s a movie everyone should see before they vote.” And I ask myself why? Why should everyone go see this movie? And why before the election?

It’s a story of kindness. Yes, it’s a story of how a Catholic priest and teachers tried to save the Jewish students in their school from the German soldiers. It’s a story of how

one young man and his parents saved a young girl’s life. But it’s also a story of cruelty, Nazi World War II cruelty, and I want people to see how that could happen here in my country, the US.

But will anyone change their mind? I ask myself this question. Then I ask myself if I really believe it could happen here? Could it? Has this country become like Germany in the 1930s?

I think about the goodness of my neighbors. We vote for different parties, but we are always here for one another. I think about my friends and clients, even family members and the love that is given so freely. No, we are not Germany in the 1930s. No.

Then I think about the people lining the street as I came into town to go to the movie. They were quietly protesting abortion. But they aren’t Nazis. They’re protesting a woman’s right of autonomy over her body. They believe they are saving a baby’s life.

They’ve probably never held a college roommate after she was raped, her main concern it could turn into a pregnancy. Or they never saw a student in their classroom cry because his mother died in childbirth because abortion was illegal in Ohio before Roe.

They were following their religious beliefs. But why are they imposing it on others? Why are they protesting abortion instead of protesting for sensible gun restrictions to save the children in schools?

But they are not Nazis; they are just following their beliefs.

In the movie theater I cry while watching White Bird. Tears come to my heart and fall from my eyes as I watch the Nazis take Jewish children out of school. Tears come and my body becomes tense as I watch the girl run from the soldiers. Tears come and run down my cheeks as I watch the horrific injustice and cruelty of it all.

Why were the Germans in France? Why were the Jewish people so hated? Why did the German soldiers believe this was right?

Were they just following their beliefs? What belief is so cruel?

I leave the movie, thank the movie people for showing this movie. I am too stunned, too full of emotion too full of whys to make a decision about where to go. I can’t go home yet. I need to work through these emotions. I just need to understand but I don’t know what it is I need to understand.

I get into my car. Sit for a few minutes. Then I step on the brake. Press the start button. Start to drive. It is only a block I’ve driven when I see two flags in the front of a house. One flag is the red, white, and blue of the US flag. The other is the Nazi flag. Stuck in the ground are signs for one of the candidates for President of the US. Vote.

I catch my breath. Breathe. Breathe. I think about pulling over. But I feel the need to keep driving. Soon I’m headed out of town, out to the quiet of the countryside, out to the roads of curves and hills. Out to where the roads go on forever as they dip and curve into the clouds. Out to where the sun shines a little brighter and the air feels a little fresher.

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Hazel’s Angels

Posted on October 9, 2024 by Diana Rankin

It was in the mid-1990’s when I was attending Jean Houston’s New York Mystery School that I met Hazel and her angels. She was a lady of a certain age by then but during World War II Hazel was a still a young woman.

During that war, Hazel felt called to gather all the angels she could muster and send them off to help the soldiers. Hazel sent angels to soldiers on the battlefield to keep the fear away. She sent angels to the hospitals to aid the injured and angels to those who left their bodies to aid in their transition.

When the war was over, Hazel often explained, there were a lot of angels out of work. “When in need of help, call on my angels,” she would say. “They need to be useful.”

Hazel is among the angels now. I’m sure she is walking around heaven instructing her angels where to go whenever they are needed. But let’s not make Hazel do all the work. Our world needs Hazel’s angels, and she needs our help, so let’s call on them now.

Let’s ask Hazel’s angels to move into the middle of wind and rain storms, hurricanes, and tornadoes and flap their wings to dissipate the heavy clouds and calm the winds. Let’s ask them to soothe the flood waters and to stop our earth from shaking from earthquakes.

Let’s ask the angles to hold their wings over the humans, animals, and winged ones to protect them from Earth’s fury.

Let’s send the strongest of Hazel’s angels to work alongside the rebuilders of the homes and businesses, to give the humans courage, strength, and the materials they need.

Let’s call on Hazel’s angels to bring rain to the drought-ridden lands and sunshine to the flooded areas. Let’s send those angels with fire hoses to bring rain to all the fire-ravaged places. Let’s ask Hazel’s angels to hold all those in caught in earthquakes, to help them heal and rebuild their lives.

And let’s send the most compassionate of Hazel’s angels to comfort all who have lost loved ones in the storm-tossed weather and angels to greet all who have left their bodies to make their transition smooth and loving.

Let’s close our eyes and visualize the Divine White Light of Love moving into our bodies and out from our heart chakra into the world and holding our planet in the Healing Light of Love. And let’s give our love and gratitude to Hazel and her angels for all they do to help heal our world and all of us.

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Gratitude Generates Happiness

Posted on October 8, 2024 by Diana Rankin

Happiness comes from a place of gratitude; unhappiness comes from a place of want. Does this mean wanting or asking for what you want brings you unhappiness? No. Certainly you must know what you want and ask for it, whether it be something tangible such as a new car or intangible such as happiness. Asking for that which you want does not mean you are not grateful; it means you have done the work to learn what you want and are clear about it.

What is necessary, however, is to be grateful for what is already in your life AND to be grateful in the present moment for that which you have asked for even though it may not have yet manifested in your life. Give thanks for it as though it were already here.

Gratitude, the deep state of thanksgiving, will repattern and rewire your brain for the greater reception of happiness.

Should you be thankful for everything that comes into your life? Absolutely not and absolutely yes! If someone is nasty to you, do you need to be grateful for that person’s nastiness or even for that person being in your life? Certainly not! But . . . happy people turn the other person’s nastiness into a happiness advantage while unhappy people dwell on what that other person said or did.

How do you turn the other person’s nastiness toward you into your happiness advantage and find gratitude for them being in your life? You do not take their nastiness personally. Simply remind yourself that person’s nastiness has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you, except for you to learn and grow by asking yourself why this has come into your life. Did it come to help you with your boundaries? Did it come to show you how you can be kinder? Did it come to show you this person no longer belongs in your life? Did it come to show you that you are choosing to be treated with respect and dignity, something this person does not seem to know anything about, so they must leave your life? Whatever the reason, the person is in your life because you asked them to be there.

You do not need to stay in gratitude for the person being in your life but be grateful their actions brought you to a place that allowed you to see and understand why they are there and how the other has helped you grow. Once you grow past a person or situation, they will disappear from your life to allow you to shine.

This is true for everything in your life. Once you grow past that which is holding you from your greater self, it will leave your life. This is true for objects, the place where you live, jobs, even emotions and thoughts. But this only happens if you are able to practice gratitude, which helps you understand the purpose of the situation/person/etc. being in your life.

Starting tonight, write down at least one thing for which you are grateful. Continue this process, adding to your list until you are consistently writing three things every evening for which you are grateful. This does not have to be anything big. You might be grateful for soft toilet paper, or for having toilet paper when you needed it today. Or you might be grateful for being able to use toilet paper at all. That last sentence took on deeper meaning to me when I had eight broken bones, including a broken left clavicle and left shoulder blade and a broken right hand.

As you become used to looking for things for which to be grateful to write in your evening journal, spread out and deepen your gratitude. Begin to say thank you to the sun for rising, the rain for falling, the happiness buddy who called to check on you, the clerk at the store.

Before you know it, you’ll be grateful for that person who treated you unkindly because it allows you to catch yourself when you get impatient and start to be unkind. You’ll start to see sunshine behind every dark cloud and find the silver lining in the misfortunes. You’ll start to understand your life; you’ll start to understand life. And all you have to do is to start being grateful.

Right now, in this moment be grateful. Be grateful for this moment, be grateful you can breathe, that you are alive, that you are you. Just for this moment. Be grateful. And in this moment, let your heart be happy.

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